I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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