o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
