1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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