remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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