I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
