i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
