you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
