How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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