I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
