If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
