I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
