we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
