we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
