fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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