the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
