I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
