i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
