My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
