My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
