Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
