guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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