Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
