I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
