just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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