Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
