the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
