Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
