so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
