She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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