I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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