I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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