My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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