my phone cant type all the emotion im having
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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