I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
