just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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