dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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