I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
