my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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