My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
