we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
