There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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