bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
