Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I need to calm my uterus...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
