This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
