I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My ass is underappreciated
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
