I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
