Jerry, you need to find god
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
