I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
