Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
