i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
