Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
